Unmade beds, promises that get forgotten, the messy house, oh, and the car! It’s so messy I am pretty sure we relocate farm animals we don’t know we own. Work and home are somehow suppose to mesh and bless, to bring about some sort of happy balance and big smiles for all. I’m not seeing it.
The meals! Somehow in the back of my head I still see and smell the perfect meals my mother prepared. Am I failing because I fall back on ordering pizza yet another night because my legs feel too tired to stand for an hour in the kitchen?
Then my babies, well, they aren’t babies anymore and I don’t know if I should scare you precious young moms, but preparing for the ACT with your child isn’t a walk in the park. It is courses, classes, and I will admit, worrisome. The laundry — I’m grateful, honest I am, for each piece of it, but right now I am just promising myself tomorrow I will put it all away.
But tomorrow comes. It sits there still…
I’m trying to be super-mom. No, I’m just trying to be a mom, period!
I fight discouragement; hoping one morning I will wake and I will be “Her.” That Woman. The one with energy supreme, multi-tasking divine, children blessed, and no mess in sight. Some nights I stare into the dark and I wonder what the secret is. I wonder what it is they got that somehow I missed.
Maybe it’s time management skills. That must be it! So I go through my day once more – what “urgent emergency” could I cut out? Or maybe, honest to goodness, I am more easily side tracked with all that isn’t an urgent emergency!
I am not a super-mom. I am just a mom. A very blessed one who has messes and quick meals when I drop that multi-tasking baton. I know I can grow, I know I will also have my ups and downs. I don’t want self-pity, I just want hope. There will be days when I feel confident and accomplished. But really, I will probably walk through more days where I feel like a juggler constantly dropping balls and picking them up, as one more ball is thrown at me from the outside.
When I look around, whether it be personal or online, I feel guilt for all that I am not doing, or can’t seem to accomplish.
Wait. I think I see what I just wrote there: “When I look around…”
There is only one way that I am going to have grace for these feelings I face. ONE way, and that is not looking around, but looking UP.
(Hannah Kate comfy for spring days where one day is cold, and the next warm!)
I know, sounds so easy, so Christian. Maybe even slightly silly right now as I sense the crushing weight of all that I must accomplish. I don’t have time to look up, right?!
Yes, I have time to look up to my Heavenly Father. He created me. He knows my strengths and my weaknesses. He knows my times of discouragement. He also loves me, never expecting or requiring me to be super-mom or super-woman. Just me – a me that is not looking around (we will never measure up if we look around) but looking UP to Him to help me just do the the next thing, and then the next… and then the next.
Tomorrow starts new and fresh, even if the laundry isn’t. I’m not graded by God on what I accomplish or perform. Hebrews 12:2, the first five words read, “Fix your eyes on Jesus…” This is a simple truth.
It can literally change the way I live. So many of us are trying to manage things on our own. He merely asks us to turn our gaze on Him, and trust Him.
Spring Collection 2015
From our hearts,
Andrea and Alyssa
For Hannah Kate